Emoruto
by Lt Ian
Summary: A oneshot Naruto crackfic. Made purely out of boredom. And no, I don't hate Naruto. I'm just not a big fan. .


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto. Believe it! is shot

"Move it!" Kakashi yelled, pushing through a crowd of Genin forming around the door to an auditorium. They squawked in surprise as Kakashi tore through the crowd, tossing students through the air. Kakashi finally got to the door only to see that Choji's fat body plugged the entrance.

"Get out of the way Choji!" Kakashi yelled, kicking the oversized lard mountain of a student.

"Can't! Stuck! Too much beef cake this morning!" Choji groaned back.

Kakashi sighed. "Well, I didn't want to do this… but…"

Kakashi held his hand to the ground, lighting sparking in his palm.

"CHIDORI! LIGHTING BLADE!" he yelled, flying at Choji.

Choji was so fat and round, however, the attack bounced off of him, blowing a hole in the wall.

"Not what I planned to happen, but…" Kakashi said, leaping through the hole with a legion of Genin following him... He gasped at what he saw inside the auditorium.

In the middle of the auditorium's stage, with slit wrists and all black clothing, was Naruto, holding a knife to his throat. Nearby, Sasuke and Sakura were pleading with him.

"Don't do it Naruto!" Sasuke yelled, trying to climb up on stage. "I'm the only person in this show who's allowed to be Emo!"

"Hey! What about me?" Gaara said, materializing in a cloud of sand.

"Piss off, Panda Man." Sasuke said, resuming his normal emo style stance.

"At least I have more anime fangirls than you…" Gaara said, as a legion of rabid fan girls appeared around him and began to snuggle him.

"Yeah right!" Sasuke yelled, snapping his fingers for his fangirls.

A minute passed. Then an hour.

No Sasuke fangirls.

"Nyoooo! Why?" Sasuke screamed, falling to his knees.

Gaara stuck out his tongue. "They all converted to Gaara-ism."

Sasuke stood up. "I'll kill you for this!"

The two lunged at each other, with the fate of all Naruto Fangirldom resting on their victory.

Naruto flipped the knife in his hand, and moved it even closer to his neck.

"The world is a waste…" he said, drawling a bit of blood.

"Don't Naruto! Don't kill yourself!" Sakura said, screaming.

"Why not? It's not like anyone likes me…" Naruto said, sighing.

"But I need you!" Sakura yelled, falling to her knees.

"What? You do?" Naruto asked, tears forming at the edge of his eyes.

"Of course! You're the only character whose voice is more annoying than me!" Sakura said, smiling.

Naruto glared. "That does it. EMO!" he screamed, slitting his throat.

All the Genin in the auditorium gasped as Naruto's body hit the floor.

Suddenly, Kakashi leapt in front of Naruto's body. He faced the audience, his arms outreached to both sides.

"There's nothing to see here folks!" he yelled. "Myself and the other Jounin will handle it!" he yelled to the audience, which was now being herded out of the auditorium by other high ranking ninjas.

Kakashi turned to Naruto's body and smiled. "Now, to take you to the back room and 'Fix you up'…" Kakashi said, winking.

Sasuke and Gaara stared at each other, panting. Their fight had lasted for a few hours, and they were starting to feel the effects.

"D-d-damnit!" Sasuke yelled, running at Gaara again.

Suddenly, a foot slammed into Sasuke's face, knocking him out.

Gaara turned to see Rock Lee, grinning while doing his famous pose.

"Hey ladies…" he said, with his teeth doing their signature gleam.

"EEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" the fangirls squealed, swarming him. "Forget Sasuke and Gaara! Rock Lee's hot stuff!"

Lee was soon picked up and carried away by the fangirl swarm, back to their hive of fangirlness.

"Atta boy Lee!" Gai-sensei yelled, as Lee leaned back and gave him thumbs up.

Meanwhile, Gaara and Sasuke sat around and started crying.

"Our fangirls…" they moaned, tears streaking down their cheeks.

The two boys looked at each other, and hugged, tears flowing down their cheeks.

"WE DON'T NEED FANGRILS! WE HAVE EACH OTHER!" they yelled, causing a few passing Genin to do a double take.

THE END


End file.
